One year after the loss of his son, Pastor Rick Warren said: “Obviously, I want my son back. But if you’re going to go through pain, you may as well use it for good (1).”

When something tragic like suicide happens, there are many different ways to respond. Two ways emerge from reading a recently published interview with Pastor Warren.

First, wait. Following Matthew’s death, Pastor Rick withdrew from the world for several weeks. He used the time to grieve the loss of a beloved son and draw closer to a loving God. Waiting quietly in prayer is often a good first step.

In moments of upheaval, simply wait as a stone waits for the artist to chisel away unneeded parts, gradually revealing the masterpiece that remains. In the words of a 17th Jesuit priest:

“All we need to think of is to keep still in his hands while he works on us…(2)”

Second, allow the experience to change you in a positive way. Rick Warren used his hardship “for good”, as he developed a desire to understand and support people with mental health challenges. Maybe your hardship will enliven growth in some aspect of your personal life.

When bad things happen, wait on God and be transformed. Let Him use the difficulties in your life to shape you into the woman or man He has in mind for you to become.

(1) Warren Smith. Pain and Gain. World Magazine. September 20, 2012

(2) Jean Baptiste Saint-Jure and Claude de la Colombiere. Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence, The secret of peace and happiness. St. Benedict Press, Charlotte, NC. 1980 (originally written in 17th Century).